SEXTALK / Robot Sex
by Angelica LeMinh / illustration Delphine Ettinger

] Like a, like a, like a sex machine, y’all. From Viagra to vibrators, technology has been developed to ensure that, as lovers, we can keep going and going and going… but what are the merits of being able to fuck like robots if it means that we’re more fucked as humans?

BACKFIRING
Maybe it’s because I recently saw Tron for the first time, but there are numerous cautionary tales of the computers becoming smarter than the humans that designed them and then eventually taking over. Sex paraphernalia pushers always scoff and say that the toys will never replace the “real thing,” but with the constant developments, like multi-speed, lithium-powered pleasurers (it never needs batteries and recharges when it’s put back in its box, which doubles as a carrying case), the buzz of uncertainty can be heard over the now silent hum of the “talent.” It gives a new meaning to the concept of “sexual revolution”.

SMALL WONDER
Remember Vicky, that robot daughter in the ‘80s sitcom Small Wonder? Just like Rudy Huxtable, who has grown up and is now starring in rap videos, Vicky could be making a cum-back too. Researcher David Levy of the Netherlands predicts that people could be marrying robots as early as 2050, so that sex with robots is just on our horizon (the Japanese have already designed a robot that can fool people with her eyelid flutter). It’s really the next level in doll-making, with other “substitutes” being even more lifelike (makes you wonder, though, if there’s some sort of scarcity of people that we don’t know about?). Someone better call Lars and tell him that there are even
real-er girls to drag around.

MECHANICAL ANIMALS
Filmmaker Michael Sullivan has one helluva specific hobby. He spends his off-time scouring flea markets for discarded Barbie dolls and GI Joes so that he can transform them into the main characters for his stop-action film (sure to be cult classic) Sex Life of Robots. The concept for this film is twisted enough, with a robot baby and its mother surfing the net for robot porn, and the artist himself describes his work as “a silent robot porno movie from another planet.” But one cannot help but be blown away by his attention to detail (he must be a Virgo) or artistry, as well as his comment on the pervasiveness and naturalization of sex as it bombards all of our senses day after day. There’s even a shade of bestiality (if you consider a simulated mechanical bull a real animal!) in a clip that was pulled from YouTube, but not before tens of thousands of viewers caught a peek (check out our blog for a direct link to the video: nightlifemagazine.ca/blog). So, the curiosity is obviously there, as well as a certain titillation factor, but was that clip pulled because it contained explicit content, or because it was showing a reality that we’re not quite ready to accept yet? The reality that, if robots can do the nasty with each other, it’s only a matter of time before they can reproduce, amongst themselves or worse, miscegenate amongst our masses…

QUEEN BEE
Sugar’s got a long way to go to catch up with honey, aka, the supreme love juice. I recently learned how bees reproduce, and I now understand why vegans do not consume the nectar of the stinging ones. Bees mate only once in their lives, with drones coming at the queen bee with their genitals ablaze (or abuzz), then make a deposit, and die. At that moment, the queen receives all the sex and bee jizz that she will ever need to populate her empires – talk about storage of reserve stock! All this to say that having sex one time can be just as intense as being able to bump uglies into next week, so we should be happy
that, between sessions, we can cuddle and eat chocolate with the Canadian edit of Team America (featuring the 12-minute explicit puppet sex scene), because there is a lot to be said for building anticipation and, as far as I know, we still have that trump card on the robots. Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto. [

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